I have already made a choice to live a childfree life and these are some of the biggest reasons why I don’t wish to have a child. I’m going to show this post to anyone who tortures me to have a child. I’ll be the best maasi or bhua but for someone who’s dealt with mental health challenges all her life, having a kid is not for me.
My kids are 20 now. It’s taken me 20 years to be able to plan a trip without looking at school calendar, exam schedules, extracurricular schedules etc. Prioritising my needs were always a fight. I won some..lost some…..many i did not even attempt. Reading this filled me with dejavu moments.
At the peak of frustration one day, i bought a pack of chips, hid in the car in the garage and finished it all up before i went back to my adorable kids and the in-laws. It was my momentous protest. It was me saying “meri marzi”. It was also a protest against the unattainable fitness and body goals set by the Malaika Aroras of the world at that time.
And then i had to ask myself what the heck was wrong with me!!! I realised i was going literally mad. Thankfully, I could make several corrections happened after that incident.
I can relate so much to this. Almost everything. I cried so much over the lost independence and yet was afraid to talk about it because of this fear of being judged and said " logo k ho nahi rahe, you should be grateful" not that I am not.
My husband thinks he does a lot but he does nada. Mental load of house and baby is on me. According to him I just have to do add to cart and he has given me a full time help and this should suffice!
Spot on! This and the sheer amount of patriarchy one faces after having a baby. The mother has no say in many instances and even the most educated men are convinced that’s how it works
I sense and believe the mental workload going all time high. Why not offload most of these works to people around you ? In a sense of prioritising sleep and peace(at least for some hours) off-loading the works to a nanny or maid or parents on a regular basis works. Also the shoping and research would be good if husbands take it up, but again approval comes into play i guess.
A huge part of the piece is built upon the responses of women who where surveyed for telling their lived experiences of motherhood, and the pressures that come with it. I was curious, if their husbands would have been asked similar set of questions about how much caregiving they participate in, what would their response look like?
I am quite curious to know if there an acknowledgment of the discrepancy in caregiving when faced with the question directly?
I am really wondering, if the 'joy of a child's smile' and 'child's unconditional love' etc. are worth all the pain of parenthood? Is the 'love of a child' also glorified just to justify the sacrifice?
I have already made a choice to live a childfree life and these are some of the biggest reasons why I don’t wish to have a child. I’m going to show this post to anyone who tortures me to have a child. I’ll be the best maasi or bhua but for someone who’s dealt with mental health challenges all her life, having a kid is not for me.
My kids are 20 now. It’s taken me 20 years to be able to plan a trip without looking at school calendar, exam schedules, extracurricular schedules etc. Prioritising my needs were always a fight. I won some..lost some…..many i did not even attempt. Reading this filled me with dejavu moments.
At the peak of frustration one day, i bought a pack of chips, hid in the car in the garage and finished it all up before i went back to my adorable kids and the in-laws. It was my momentous protest. It was me saying “meri marzi”. It was also a protest against the unattainable fitness and body goals set by the Malaika Aroras of the world at that time.
And then i had to ask myself what the heck was wrong with me!!! I realised i was going literally mad. Thankfully, I could make several corrections happened after that incident.
I can relate so much to this. Almost everything. I cried so much over the lost independence and yet was afraid to talk about it because of this fear of being judged and said " logo k ho nahi rahe, you should be grateful" not that I am not.
My husband thinks he does a lot but he does nada. Mental load of house and baby is on me. According to him I just have to do add to cart and he has given me a full time help and this should suffice!
My own mother questioned my breastmilk!
Had a good laugh after seeing this. So relevant to this this piece: https://www.instagram.com/reel/ClSQ2BjDdWl/?igshid=NDk5N2NlZjQ=
This post itself on its own gets an Oscar award
Spot on! This and the sheer amount of patriarchy one faces after having a baby. The mother has no say in many instances and even the most educated men are convinced that’s how it works
I sense and believe the mental workload going all time high. Why not offload most of these works to people around you ? In a sense of prioritising sleep and peace(at least for some hours) off-loading the works to a nanny or maid or parents on a regular basis works. Also the shoping and research would be good if husbands take it up, but again approval comes into play i guess.
Great piece like always!
A huge part of the piece is built upon the responses of women who where surveyed for telling their lived experiences of motherhood, and the pressures that come with it. I was curious, if their husbands would have been asked similar set of questions about how much caregiving they participate in, what would their response look like?
I am quite curious to know if there an acknowledgment of the discrepancy in caregiving when faced with the question directly?
I am really wondering, if the 'joy of a child's smile' and 'child's unconditional love' etc. are worth all the pain of parenthood? Is the 'love of a child' also glorified just to justify the sacrifice?