Amazing piece Mahima! Your writing helps me see through my own conditioning and the situations where I should have shown more strength/backbone. Love the stories you wrote ❤️
Thank you Aditi! If it helps, I'm as much a work in progress as you. In the last 24 hours, I've had to reject more emotional load around this piece itself than I could have imagined. But it's good practice for my hitherto unused NO muscle :)
Thank you for this. I am 38 years, married for 4 years now. We married just before COVID lockdowns happened and therefore ended up spending all the time with each other right at the beginning of our marriage. My wife lost her mother when she was 6-7 years and her father, as advised by elders of the family, remarried. These incidents left a deep impression on her I feel. Her younger brother, whom she looked after like her own child after her mother's death, too passed away last year. I, on the other hand, am the youngest of three. My father wasn't around during my growing up years, he had to work hard to give us the education and opportunities like others. My parents always ensured the three of us got the same opportunities, meaning no bias that way. However, since he was so into the thick of things that all i remember of him from childhood is anger, frustration, disappointment. I didn't realise it then, but it formed me into an emotionally stunted person as you describe in the article. All in all, I was not qualified to take care of my own self and then wife came in with her stuff too. It all ended up such that we are separating now. I am quitting my job and returning back to my parents. She will continue with her job here. I do not have any plans for the future, but just know this much that I am not capable of handling all of this and it's therefore better to step back. Not sure why I shared all of this here, was relating to a lot the things you shared and it triggered my response. Thank you again!
Thank you for trusting me with your story, Gogol. I see so much empathy in they way you shared this story that I wonder if you are not giving yourself too little credit when it comes to emotional intelligence. It takes some baseline emotional intelligence to even realise what is lacking - which is why most emotionally stunted people seldom admit or even realize that they are.
Hugs to you and your wife - you have both had really difficult challenges in your journey. It is natural for these traumatic experiences to leave deep scars on your psyche. You might not have been ready for this relationship yet but I hope you both continue to work on yourselves and your mental health to process all of this trauma and heal ❤️
Thank you Mahima, for articulating this. I have realised I have been dating emotionally stunted men for years and the it has left a heavy toll on me. I used to take the blame for their mistreatment and take the responsibility of keeping the peace, but I think this piece shows that it never gets any better. I will be more mindful in the future of not taking the responsibility of "fixing" such men.
Some of the instances or incidents u write resonate a lot . It’s a lot of preconditioning that we all have undergone. To be super productive and keeping it all together effortlessly was always applauded ! I am very conscious of not allowing those kind of ideas to seep any further into the next generation!
Every time I read your pieces, I find myself deeply resonating with the experiences and emotions you describe. I had desperately been looking for a language for mental load and emotional labour. I invariably feel (and act on) the urge to share it with fellow Indians who have lived all of these experiences.
I particularly delight in the wit infused in your writing style. You have a remarkable ability to tackle heavy topics so effortlessly, making them accessible to all kinds of readers. Thank you, Mahima!
This piece of writing has hit home so perfectly, it’s not funny. 🤣 I am not sure whether to laugh or be sad about the fact that we are all having similar situations and face the similar conditionings. Thanks for sharing such candid thoughts and writing them in a manner where it actually highlights the root cause and addresses some unspoken aspects of it.
Having dealt with an emotional labour incident this morning, I am sure now Substack is reading my mind and shared this with me read. Beautifully expressed
Amazing piece Mahima! Your writing helps me see through my own conditioning and the situations where I should have shown more strength/backbone. Love the stories you wrote ❤️
Thank you Aditi! If it helps, I'm as much a work in progress as you. In the last 24 hours, I've had to reject more emotional load around this piece itself than I could have imagined. But it's good practice for my hitherto unused NO muscle :)
Thank you for this. I am 38 years, married for 4 years now. We married just before COVID lockdowns happened and therefore ended up spending all the time with each other right at the beginning of our marriage. My wife lost her mother when she was 6-7 years and her father, as advised by elders of the family, remarried. These incidents left a deep impression on her I feel. Her younger brother, whom she looked after like her own child after her mother's death, too passed away last year. I, on the other hand, am the youngest of three. My father wasn't around during my growing up years, he had to work hard to give us the education and opportunities like others. My parents always ensured the three of us got the same opportunities, meaning no bias that way. However, since he was so into the thick of things that all i remember of him from childhood is anger, frustration, disappointment. I didn't realise it then, but it formed me into an emotionally stunted person as you describe in the article. All in all, I was not qualified to take care of my own self and then wife came in with her stuff too. It all ended up such that we are separating now. I am quitting my job and returning back to my parents. She will continue with her job here. I do not have any plans for the future, but just know this much that I am not capable of handling all of this and it's therefore better to step back. Not sure why I shared all of this here, was relating to a lot the things you shared and it triggered my response. Thank you again!
Thank you for trusting me with your story, Gogol. I see so much empathy in they way you shared this story that I wonder if you are not giving yourself too little credit when it comes to emotional intelligence. It takes some baseline emotional intelligence to even realise what is lacking - which is why most emotionally stunted people seldom admit or even realize that they are.
Hugs to you and your wife - you have both had really difficult challenges in your journey. It is natural for these traumatic experiences to leave deep scars on your psyche. You might not have been ready for this relationship yet but I hope you both continue to work on yourselves and your mental health to process all of this trauma and heal ❤️
🙏
The thappad ki gunj gif is a health hazard because I almost chocked to death while laughing. 🙈
Also, some incredible truth bombs in this issue. Thank you for doing this, every week.
Consider it a return gift for your daak naam piece 😊
Thank you Mahima, for articulating this. I have realised I have been dating emotionally stunted men for years and the it has left a heavy toll on me. I used to take the blame for their mistreatment and take the responsibility of keeping the peace, but I think this piece shows that it never gets any better. I will be more mindful in the future of not taking the responsibility of "fixing" such men.
Proud to be of service! :)
your each article feels like unexpressed , unheard emotion in most of the married women (25 -40) who are working
Thank you Payal ❤️
Some of the instances or incidents u write resonate a lot . It’s a lot of preconditioning that we all have undergone. To be super productive and keeping it all together effortlessly was always applauded ! I am very conscious of not allowing those kind of ideas to seep any further into the next generation!
Ah now that you've said the magic word: https://open.substack.com/pub/womaning/p/why-productivity-hacks-do-not-work?r=adfpv&utm_campaign=post&utm_medium=web 😄
Every time I read your pieces, I find myself deeply resonating with the experiences and emotions you describe. I had desperately been looking for a language for mental load and emotional labour. I invariably feel (and act on) the urge to share it with fellow Indians who have lived all of these experiences.
I particularly delight in the wit infused in your writing style. You have a remarkable ability to tackle heavy topics so effortlessly, making them accessible to all kinds of readers. Thank you, Mahima!
Thank you so much for reading and sharing, Richa! ❤️
I also liked the bit about war and global warming 😅😅being a manifestation of the babied(!!) boys😄
I'm completely serious about it by the way!
There should be course for boys/men on "how to take emotional load?" and another for girls/women on " how to reject /ignore the emotional load?"
💯
This piece of writing has hit home so perfectly, it’s not funny. 🤣 I am not sure whether to laugh or be sad about the fact that we are all having similar situations and face the similar conditionings. Thanks for sharing such candid thoughts and writing them in a manner where it actually highlights the root cause and addresses some unspoken aspects of it.
Having dealt with an emotional labour incident this morning, I am sure now Substack is reading my mind and shared this with me read. Beautifully expressed
I so identify with this piece Mahima. It helped me articulate a lot in my life that I either was not able to or wasn’t willing to. So thanks!
You're welcome Mukta 🥰