These lines capture the gist perfectly in my view:
And each one has a different context - physically, mentally, financially, emotionally, socially. To assign one prescriptive model of birthing, feeding, raising children to all is not just myopic, it is cruel.
There is way too much pressure on moms and moms to be. A magical awareness that supposedly transcends into their soul and makes them superior to others (read - uniform). I love what you are up to here Mahima. Uncles and aunties will not course correct but am sure everyone who reads this definitely be more aware. Thank you for this.
Damned if you do, damned if you don't. Thank you for this collection of stories and experiences. The lack of support for a new mother still astounds me.
Thanks for sharing these breast feeding `trauma' stories- because that's what they are. At a time when the mother is psychologically and physically vulnerable to put so much pressure abut BF is nothing short of inflicting trauma. I am a perinatal psychiatrist and these experiences are so real and revealing. I apologise to all mothers on behalf of the medical system that we put so much pressure on you and yet do not provide proper information on breastfeeding. As someone who cares equally for mothers and babies, I always root for the mother because it is only when a mum is calm around her baby that she can provide a nurturing environment. It is about her choice and what works best for each mother and baby. I am old enough to be a grand mum now but I remember having a lot of difficulties breastfeeding. Fortunately I had a supportive spouse and mother and my baby did well with a combination of breast an formula but sometimes I am still wistful that if only someone had taught me about latching and how to feed properly it would have been a different journey (yes, I was a doctor and still struggled with breast feeding). I also want to highlight the importance of sleep for the mental health of a new mum. The recommendation is 4 hours of uninterrupted sleep and one awakening followed by 2 hours of sleep. How is that even possible if she is not supported during breastfeeding either through expressed milk, formula or even a partner getting up to change the nappy and soothe the infant ? In our perinatal mental health service we start sleep education for both partners in pregnancy especially if the mother has had a previous mental health problem.
I have seen too many mothers becoming anxious and depressed in their breastfeeding journey- which could have been so easily prevented.
Thank you so much for this comment, Dr Chandra ❤️ I'm not even exaggerating that in four years of writing such stories, this is the FIRST time a medical health practitioner has shown such kindness and acknowledged this failure of their profession. Oh sleep. Glorious gorgeous sleep. I am a thousand percent sure that even a few hours more sleep would have drastically changed my motherhood experience in the first few years, and maybe even averted my PPD altogether. I sincerely hope and pray that the apathy of the obgyn community gets more attention and rectification so that we can treat the next generation of mothers with basic humanity ❤️
When my first child was born, I spent a month in agony trying to figure out how to breastfeed my baby without horrible pain. I called some random lactation help number in desperation. Half an hour later there was a women in my apartment teaching me how to latch my baby correctly... what a God send! She also gave me many helpful tips about how to keep my supply up, mostly staying hydrated.
I was lucky to have the support of my close family and friends.
Within a few days my nipples healed and I was able to breastfeed my little girl comfortably.
I write all of this to say, most of the women in these stories have little to no support from their loved ones. For me, the support I received made ALL the difference.
Breasrmilk is healthier then formula. From a scientific standpoint nobody can argue that the substitute is better the the real thing. That being said, formula is an amazing invention that saves lives, and can free a women from being forced to stay home if she doesn't want to. I personally enjoy being a stay at home mom but I respect that isn't for everyone.
It's terrible that so many women don’t have enough support to just have a baby in peace and feed that baby without all the stress and judgment from others, especially other women.
It's not the breastfeeding that is the problem, it's the lack of support others give to women. Whether that women wants to breastfeed their baby, or wants to formula feed, they should be able to have all the information to make an informed decision, then the personal support of their loved ones whatever that decision is.
Your body makes the perfect food for your baby, but if breastfeeding is making you crazy or depressed feeling that is not best for your relationship with your baby.
I was going to ask you to write on this :) In my view the whole "all mothers have enough milk for their baby, they just need to keep trying" is such BS. Majority of the women i have met have had issues in supply and have undoubtedly faced judgement as well as experienced guilt because of this. This needs to go. We also need to counter the whole "Breastfeeding is free" myth - yeah its free if the mom's time and often associated discomfort is free. Yes breastfeeding should be encouraged but not at the cost of a mother's mental health. It should be entirely the other's prerogative to decide whether to breastfeed/ how much/ till when.
This is such an important article. Women does not instinctively know what to do. I certainly didn't. And "What to Expect when you area Expecting" didn't quite cover it either. I struggled, I felt frustrated, but looking back, I was lucky there were no women around me, so I could not be shamed.
I have become a big fan of this blog and is another reason I look forward to Friday. I feel like the blog in sharing all the difficulties we as women face brings us together. No matter where we are in the world we can relate to one tale or the other, which is why I was a bit saddened with your comment. I don't think the point of the post was to blame women for the miseries of other women and maybe I'm misinterpreting your words, a sentence hardly does justice to the million thoughts we have.
These lines capture the gist perfectly in my view:
And each one has a different context - physically, mentally, financially, emotionally, socially. To assign one prescriptive model of birthing, feeding, raising children to all is not just myopic, it is cruel.
There is way too much pressure on moms and moms to be. A magical awareness that supposedly transcends into their soul and makes them superior to others (read - uniform). I love what you are up to here Mahima. Uncles and aunties will not course correct but am sure everyone who reads this definitely be more aware. Thank you for this.
Damned if you do, damned if you don't. Thank you for this collection of stories and experiences. The lack of support for a new mother still astounds me.
Same, Samira. Been a mom for five years now and the rage and shock of this cruelty just refuses to leave my being.
Thanks for sharing these breast feeding `trauma' stories- because that's what they are. At a time when the mother is psychologically and physically vulnerable to put so much pressure abut BF is nothing short of inflicting trauma. I am a perinatal psychiatrist and these experiences are so real and revealing. I apologise to all mothers on behalf of the medical system that we put so much pressure on you and yet do not provide proper information on breastfeeding. As someone who cares equally for mothers and babies, I always root for the mother because it is only when a mum is calm around her baby that she can provide a nurturing environment. It is about her choice and what works best for each mother and baby. I am old enough to be a grand mum now but I remember having a lot of difficulties breastfeeding. Fortunately I had a supportive spouse and mother and my baby did well with a combination of breast an formula but sometimes I am still wistful that if only someone had taught me about latching and how to feed properly it would have been a different journey (yes, I was a doctor and still struggled with breast feeding). I also want to highlight the importance of sleep for the mental health of a new mum. The recommendation is 4 hours of uninterrupted sleep and one awakening followed by 2 hours of sleep. How is that even possible if she is not supported during breastfeeding either through expressed milk, formula or even a partner getting up to change the nappy and soothe the infant ? In our perinatal mental health service we start sleep education for both partners in pregnancy especially if the mother has had a previous mental health problem.
I have seen too many mothers becoming anxious and depressed in their breastfeeding journey- which could have been so easily prevented.
Thank you so much for this comment, Dr Chandra ❤️ I'm not even exaggerating that in four years of writing such stories, this is the FIRST time a medical health practitioner has shown such kindness and acknowledged this failure of their profession. Oh sleep. Glorious gorgeous sleep. I am a thousand percent sure that even a few hours more sleep would have drastically changed my motherhood experience in the first few years, and maybe even averted my PPD altogether. I sincerely hope and pray that the apathy of the obgyn community gets more attention and rectification so that we can treat the next generation of mothers with basic humanity ❤️
When my first child was born, I spent a month in agony trying to figure out how to breastfeed my baby without horrible pain. I called some random lactation help number in desperation. Half an hour later there was a women in my apartment teaching me how to latch my baby correctly... what a God send! She also gave me many helpful tips about how to keep my supply up, mostly staying hydrated.
I was lucky to have the support of my close family and friends.
Within a few days my nipples healed and I was able to breastfeed my little girl comfortably.
I write all of this to say, most of the women in these stories have little to no support from their loved ones. For me, the support I received made ALL the difference.
Breasrmilk is healthier then formula. From a scientific standpoint nobody can argue that the substitute is better the the real thing. That being said, formula is an amazing invention that saves lives, and can free a women from being forced to stay home if she doesn't want to. I personally enjoy being a stay at home mom but I respect that isn't for everyone.
It's terrible that so many women don’t have enough support to just have a baby in peace and feed that baby without all the stress and judgment from others, especially other women.
It's not the breastfeeding that is the problem, it's the lack of support others give to women. Whether that women wants to breastfeed their baby, or wants to formula feed, they should be able to have all the information to make an informed decision, then the personal support of their loved ones whatever that decision is.
Your body makes the perfect food for your baby, but if breastfeeding is making you crazy or depressed feeling that is not best for your relationship with your baby.
I was going to ask you to write on this :) In my view the whole "all mothers have enough milk for their baby, they just need to keep trying" is such BS. Majority of the women i have met have had issues in supply and have undoubtedly faced judgement as well as experienced guilt because of this. This needs to go. We also need to counter the whole "Breastfeeding is free" myth - yeah its free if the mom's time and often associated discomfort is free. Yes breastfeeding should be encouraged but not at the cost of a mother's mental health. It should be entirely the other's prerogative to decide whether to breastfeed/ how much/ till when.
So well put!
This is such an important article. Women does not instinctively know what to do. I certainly didn't. And "What to Expect when you area Expecting" didn't quite cover it either. I struggled, I felt frustrated, but looking back, I was lucky there were no women around me, so I could not be shamed.
I have become a big fan of this blog and is another reason I look forward to Friday. I feel like the blog in sharing all the difficulties we as women face brings us together. No matter where we are in the world we can relate to one tale or the other, which is why I was a bit saddened with your comment. I don't think the point of the post was to blame women for the miseries of other women and maybe I'm misinterpreting your words, a sentence hardly does justice to the million thoughts we have.