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Meenu's avatar

I have memory from my childhood feeling embarrassed if one of my friends visited and my father was doing jhaadu/ pochha or some other household work at the time. Because hardly any other male around did these chores. My father could cook and would help around the house and it was considered such a big deal. I grew up to realize how much harder my mom worked, and how my dad was just helping out in small ways (and not always) and yet he got so much credit. Still, good that he could break the norm, in his generation, in a small town in Bihar. ​

Now I feel so shocked when I see so many men of my generation and with working wives, who don't "help out" (let alone take equal responsibility). I don't blame the men or the mom-in-laws entirely. Women are at fault too. Societal conditioning or whatever, they readily take on the complete responsibility of the household after marriage. Even if they are working full time, even if they have more challenging job than the husband. They sometimes meekly ask husband to do basic chore like serve or make chai for guests after they have taken care of lunch (and not menial tasks like cleaning or doing dishes, that would be embarrassing). And then they feel so grateful and proud of the husband - raja beta becomes raja pati.

Most women never question the norm, and never ask for equal rights. Why would men give up on privileges if the other person is not even asking for it?

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Abhijith Balakrishnan's avatar

Mahima, this was brutal.

I am almost there too. While there is a desire to help and a sense of guilt when you are your in laws, it really doesn't translate to getting up and doing the dishes. Most I do is gingerly carry may plate and leave it next to the sink.

I think such brutally honest but engaging pieces will start conversations which will hopefully being about change. Your writing has that ability to make me smile (laugh actually) and squirm at the same time. Quite a ridiculous position that 😀.

Keep writing. Keep being brutal. More power to you!

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